Remembering the Woman I Was Before the Bullet

People often ask if I remember the night I was shot. I do. Every second of it. But what they rarely ask is if I remember the woman I was before that night. Sometimes, losing her feels like the greatest tragedy of all.

Trauma changes how we see our past. When something terrible happens, it becomes the dividing line in our lives. Everything is measured as either before or after that moment. For years, I thought of my life in two chapters: before the shooting and after the shooting.

The Woman Before the Bullet

The woman I was before the bullet was more than just a survivor. She was a daughter, a sister, a friend. She had dreams that had nothing to do with survival. She laughed freely without suspicion. She trusted people without needing proof. She believed home was the safest place in the world. She had no idea how quickly life could change.

Remembering her means recalling the small, ordinary moments that once seemed unimportant but now feel precious:

• Morning coffee shared with loved ones

• Calling family just to say hello

• Laughing until her stomach hurt

  
  

These moments were the fabric of her life, simple and full of hope.

The Questions That Haunt

If I could sit across from that version of myself today, I wonder what I would say. Would I warn her? Tell her not to answer the phone that day? Not to walk through a certain door? Not to trust someone she believed loved her?

I have asked myself these questions more times than I can count. The answer is always the same: even if I could go back, I could not change another person’s choices. The only thing I could control was my own response.

Learning to Respond Differently

It took years to understand that. Back then, I believed love was enough. I believed people meant what they said. I believed apologies came before damage became irreversible. Life taught me otherwise.

Some lessons arrive gently. Others arrive with a gunshot. Trauma rewrites memories and reshapes trust. It forces you to rebuild your sense of safety and self. But it also teaches resilience and strength.

Honoring Both Chapters

Remembering the woman before the bullet is not about denying the pain or the changes that followed. It is about honoring the whole story. She was not just a victim or a survivor. She was a person with a full life before tragedy struck.

By holding space for both chapters, we acknowledge that trauma does not erase who we were. It adds to our story but does not define it entirely. The woman before the bullet deserves to be remembered with kindness and respect.

Moving Forward with Compassion

Healing is not about forgetting or pretending the past did not happen. It is about learning to live with the memories and the changes. It means embracing the parts of ourselves that remain and nurturing the parts that were lost.

If you or someone you know has faced trauma, remember this:

• Your past self is worthy of love and remembrance

• Your response to trauma is your own, and it is valid

• Healing takes time and patience

  
  

Life can change in an instant, but the strength to move forward comes from within.